The Order In Chaos

Though this be madness, yet there is method in’t.

– William Shakespeare, Hamlet

The last 6 months of my life have been frustrating; The last 4 years, painful; The last 10 years, confusing; The last 33 years, sadnot all without some sunnier aspects, of course, but overall, consider me well, well-humbled by the storms of life.

What has gotten me through has not been positive thinking or even the support of others, as much as it has been the awareness of a law of nature that I’ve witnessed time and time again, that there is purpose, and ultimately, beauty, in the struggle—that darkness too is sacred.

Chief Luther Standing Bear said it better than I:

Bright days and dark days are both expressions of the Great Mystery.

Since shedding the Christian beliefs I was raised with, I’ve grappled with what to call “God” and my new understanding of it. However I’ve recently taken to Infinite Intelligence because that is exactly how I experience ita Great Mind that grants my limited mind the right amount of perspective, at the perfect time, in the best way, for my optimal utilization, inviting me to understand and align with its creative process, which includes moments of holy destruction, great undoings of illusion.

The Man Who Left His Will on Film, Nagisa Oshima (1970)

At this point in my self-awareness I see the design of my life much clearer.

I see why I came here with certain weakness and certain strengths, why I was born in this particular family, in a particular part of the world, why I was given certain abilities, why the same type of person has broken my heart, how my mistakes weren’t mistakes at all, and how all of it has moved me forward to where I stand today on a platform constructed from my pain that has elevated me and enlightened me in ways that an easy experience could not have.

Like you, I’d forgotten who I was and where I’d come from, what I was capable of, what I was made of, and adversity has been the most powerful road to self-remembrance.

If you surrender to life’s challenges, they will drive you back to your inner authorityto your strength, to your peace, to your truth, and to unconditional love. But if you resist life’s unsavory bits, as well all do, your challenges may deepen into patterns of suffering that you will repeat ad infinitum until a light turns on in your brain and you choose not to.

No one said life would be easy. But remember, when you’re thrown into some chaos, know that somewhere within it is a gift from You to you and from the Great Mystery to the unfolding of your storya message, a lesson, a new perspective, the destruction of an old belief, or an opportunity to hold onto yourself tighter.

Featured Photo: Self-Portrait by Karissa